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15句解析,带你参透普林斯顿文书

2019-04-19 16:39:40 来源:江博教育 作者:江博教育

 

普林斯顿大学本科教育闻名于世,本科招生自然极为严格,是世上最难进的大学之一,近3年的本科新生录取率低至5%左右。 普林斯顿大学录取学生时并不仅仅参考成绩,要看学生的综合能力与潜能,对各种学术与非学术领域的兴趣,特殊才能与天资、处事经验、人生抱负和家庭背景等等因素都会被纳入它的考察范围。

校方评价一个学生优秀与否的指标有四项

  • 头脑,其中包括智商、学习能力、创造力等等;

  • 品格,其中包括责任感、价值观、判断力等等;

  • 为学校作出贡献的能力;

  • 未来在本专业和社区中起到领导作用的潜力;

这篇文章的作者被普林斯顿大学录取,TA的文书有什么玄机? 请接着看,江博留学文书专家为您带来的解析。

 

跨文化交流经历是很好的文书素材,是反映申请人是否具有包容心和适应能力的有效佐证。如何恰到好处的抛出矛盾?如何体现内心纠结的同时,又避免给招生官留下狭隘或偏激的信号呢?本文做了很好的范例。作者采用散文体,意境深邃,润物无声,同时又弱化了问题的尖锐感;回忆与现实穿插自然,场景转移干净利落,故事线条简洁明快;抒情内敛却耐人寻味,表面波澜不惊,实则暗潮涌动;细腻的心理描写,让人不知不觉进入作者的思维空间,潜移默化的接受作者的人生感悟。

 

正文


Reflection on the Face in the Mirror

 

I stood still, facing the giant bathroom mirror. Whoosh. The bathroom door swung open, and a group of girls came in, chatting and laughing. I stared into the mirror. A blonde, clearly more than a head taller than I, strolled past, reaching for the paper towel dispenser. Another stocky redhead briskly walked into the stall right behind me. The two different hair colors contrasted sharply with my own under the fluorescent lights. We were all wearing the same cardigan sweater, the same blue plaid skirt, and the same brown leather shoes. My uniform was impeccable, as I had been interviewed by a newspaper not fifteen minutes before. The girl that stared back at me from the mirror was short and skinny. She had a long face with dark brown eyes, black hair, and a big forehead. She was a red belt in Tae Kwon Do; she was a co-captain of Robotics; she was the founder of the school’s American Mathematical Competition team. But she was also an international student.

 

“When can I stop being an international student?” I asked myself exasperatedly. My memory flashed to the interview. A reporter came in and asked some questions for the local newspaper after I had just been announced as a National Merit Semifinalist. I remembered how she asked me what it felt like to be a semifinalist. I said I was surprised and excited. I smiled a lot and said the things a good student was supposed to say, but what I neglected to mention was that I did not qualify to be a finalist because I lacked the proper immigration documents.

 

But I did not lack anything else. Were my other qualifications not good enough?

In the back of my head I remembered my first step onto the land of the United States at the age of twelve. I remembered how thrilled I was to be able to listen and finally understand a casual conversation in English; I remembered my American counterparts’ excitement when they learned how to say some basic expressions in Chinese; I remembered how we traded stories of growing up on opposite and customs; we learned from each  other’s experiences.

 

My mind wandered farther and farther back down memory lane to China as I stood still. It was as if I could still see my cousins and myself through the mirror, running around wildly while our blindfolded grandfather, with his hands grabbing the air and his back stooped, tried to catch us. Memories of grandpa brought warmth into my heart. I smiled, knowing that a part of him has been passed down to me; and, through he was no longer of this world, he would see through my dark-brown eyes and feel through my youthful hands.

 

Whoosh. The door swung open again, and the two girls walked out, still talking and laughing. I took a deep breath and decided that it was time for me to go. I ambled out and saw a beautiful sunny autumn afternoon through the window. One of my friends ran up to me, patted my shoulder, and cheerfully said, “C’mon, let’s go do some 77彩票work and chat outside.” “Sure,” I said as I grinned back. “Hey! Let’s see who can get there first!” She ran past me playfully, leaving behind her a trail of laughter. “Wait!” I yelled after her as I hurried to catch up: “Don’t forget we still need to figure out that one calc problem!”

 

When I finally sat down on the cool green grass and squinted at the radiant sun, my heart was content. “I don’t lack anything,” I thought. “I don’t need any man-made rules to qualify me. This is me. The complete me is right here, right now, basking under the glory of the sun. And that is good enough.”

英文Essay摘自The Princeton Review 


 

文书亮点:

1. 倒叙丝丝入扣,回忆引人入胜;

2. 心理活动贯穿始末,片片涟漪归于平和;

3. 理性藏于抒情,散文式思辨摄人心魄。

语言解析:

1. “mirror”: 四次出现,贯穿全文,可以说这是一面“多功能”的的镜子。


  •  “facing the giant bathroom mirror” 首次出现,以普通的生活场景揭开序幕,是好故事常用的开头方式。

  •  “I stared into the mirror” 和 “The girl that stared back at me from the mirror” 为其他人物的出场做了自然的铺垫。

  •  “It was as if I could still see my cousins and myself through the mirror” 通过镜子“穿越”回中国,穿越回过去。


2. “Whoosh”: 拟声词,两次出现,自然承接情节发展,预示故事的开场和尾声。


3. “blonde” 和 ”redhead” 两个名词即抓住了人物的主要特征,暗示他们有别于作者的种族。


4. “the same”在第一段中出现三次,形成了排比句式,同时与前文的 “contrasted sharply”形成强烈对比,暗示作者与两个女孩虽同校但不同文化背景。


5.“uniform was impeccable” 与 “interviewed by a newspaper not fifteen minutes before”,看似是自然承接,实则是介绍个人成就的巧妙切换,也是对下文的必要铺垫。


6. “dark brown eyes”, “black hair” 与后文 “my dark-brown eyes”相呼应。


7. “She was...”在第一段结尾出现四次:

  • 前三次形成排比,“she”指代镜子中的作者。此处例数个人成就来树立国际生的model minority形象。

  • 第四次使用 “she was”,前面出现了“but”, 与第二段 “When can I stop being an international student” 相呼应。这里的转折引起读者的好奇心,承接下文作者自己遭受的不公平待遇。


8. “I smiled a lot and said the things a good student was supposed to say...” 欲扬先抑,此处的微笑与平静是悲伤最痛的表现方式,与后文遭到的不公平待遇形成反差。


9. “I remembered...” 连续三次出现,形成排比句式,体现作者逐渐融入新环境所得到的归属感和成就感。


10. “trade”这一动词生动的表现出年轻人的自由欢脱,以及从陌生到熟悉逐渐卸下防备的过程。


11. “My mind wandered farther and farther back down memory lane” 借喻的手法,用具体的名词“lane”来比喻作者抽象的思绪,用 “wander”来取代回忆的动作。

 

12. “Memories of grandpa brought warmth into my heart” 和 “a part of him has been passed down to me” 仿佛是因果关系的自然承接,但其实是从抽象到具体的瞬间切换,手法浪漫但不累赘。

 

13. “it was time for me to go”: 一语双关,既表示作者要离开浴室,也表示在人生路上要继续前行。

 


14. “beautiful”, “sunny”, “cheerfully”, “playfully”一系列积极的形容词和副词,烘托作者心情的变化。


15. ‘“I don’t lack anything,” I thought.’ 是对前文 “I lacked the proper immigration documents.” 和 “But I did not lack anything else”的最终总结,表明着作者心中的郁结终于释怀。


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